You’ve written so beautifully what has been my own journey and exploration these last 12 months. I am tempted to restack it, but then that’s not first hand thinking 😊💫. I’ve felt unbearable at times this year - thanks for the permission to own and be somewhat defiant in that!!! 💗
Thank you! As i am a toddler in deconstruction of my religious cultish upbringing, your insights help me understand myself more. I agree—i didn’t have a self to lose as my self was never formed. Obedience, indoctrination, control. Still recovering and learning
“You didn’t lose self, you never got to form one”. Exactly. I have recently been trying to put this into words. It’s a special situation for those of us born and raised in a high control group. You can’t just “be yourself” on command when you leave. It takes work to create that self. Because the self that existed when we left was a programmed one.
My being responds to this whole post, but bullet item number 2 of the 4 things, is the most important to me right now. It could change but it's where I am at the moment. Great post, Kelly.
I resonate with this post so much Kelly, and echo Shanna’s comment about this part. I felt it to my soul:
“You didn’t lose a self—you never got to form one. When you’re born and raised in a high-control group, the self is shaped by fear, obedience, and performance. Leaving isn’t just liberation; it’s the beginning of becoming.”
There are so few people who understand this. I feel like I’m 37 and just learning who I am—just understanding what it might be like to have individual thought and maybe even…joy. I was conditioned in a severely physically abusive religious environment that this was absolutely not allowed. Any hint of self was beat out of me. I became a blank canvas for whatever anyone needed—I knew nothing else and of course this set the foundation for a life of terrible suffering.
Thank you for your post, Kelly and for speaking out and giving voice to the voiceless. ❤️🩹
Firsthand thinking is the original sacrament, isn’t it? Before creeds, before pulpits, before some dude with a beard told you not to trust your gut. I was raised to recite the answers. Now I sit with the questions—and somehow, they feel more like home.
Anne Carson said she wanted to be unbearable. Same. Especially to the systems that tried to domesticate my soul.
This piece doesn’t just open the lens. It smashes the stained glass and says, “Look with your own damn eyes.” Thank you for that.
Important writing, thank you!
It’s so good to be in convo. Thank you, Judi.
It is good. It is tough to grow up in cult. We have a loved one who came into our family after exiting a cult. It has not been easy for her.
Heartline. 💕
You’ve written so beautifully what has been my own journey and exploration these last 12 months. I am tempted to restack it, but then that’s not first hand thinking 😊💫. I’ve felt unbearable at times this year - thanks for the permission to own and be somewhat defiant in that!!! 💗
Appreciate your comment and read! I think restacking something that resonates with your own thinking is allowed. 😜 Thank you, Jenny.
Thank you! As i am a toddler in deconstruction of my religious cultish upbringing, your insights help me understand myself more. I agree—i didn’t have a self to lose as my self was never formed. Obedience, indoctrination, control. Still recovering and learning
Heartline, sister. 🫶
“You didn’t lose self, you never got to form one”. Exactly. I have recently been trying to put this into words. It’s a special situation for those of us born and raised in a high control group. You can’t just “be yourself” on command when you leave. It takes work to create that self. Because the self that existed when we left was a programmed one.
Bingo. The seed cracks but it must be nourished into being.
Thank you for naming this.
🥰💋
Firsthand thinking, I really love the concept. And the practice. It's so fresh and curious. Thank you for this thoughtful share 💖. It touched me.
My being responds to this whole post, but bullet item number 2 of the 4 things, is the most important to me right now. It could change but it's where I am at the moment. Great post, Kelly.
Thanks for reading and sharing your process, Claude. 🫶
I resonate with this post so much Kelly, and echo Shanna’s comment about this part. I felt it to my soul:
“You didn’t lose a self—you never got to form one. When you’re born and raised in a high-control group, the self is shaped by fear, obedience, and performance. Leaving isn’t just liberation; it’s the beginning of becoming.”
There are so few people who understand this. I feel like I’m 37 and just learning who I am—just understanding what it might be like to have individual thought and maybe even…joy. I was conditioned in a severely physically abusive religious environment that this was absolutely not allowed. Any hint of self was beat out of me. I became a blank canvas for whatever anyone needed—I knew nothing else and of course this set the foundation for a life of terrible suffering.
Thank you for your post, Kelly and for speaking out and giving voice to the voiceless. ❤️🩹
I’m sorry that happened to you - to me - to anyone. It is not an easy reality - giving birth to oneself decades after being physically born.
❤️ I love how you put that: giving birth to oneself.
❤️🔥
Beautiful! Resonating with this in a deep level, so thankful.
Happy to be in convo with you here, Greisy!
Firsthand thinking is the original sacrament, isn’t it? Before creeds, before pulpits, before some dude with a beard told you not to trust your gut. I was raised to recite the answers. Now I sit with the questions—and somehow, they feel more like home.
Anne Carson said she wanted to be unbearable. Same. Especially to the systems that tried to domesticate my soul.
This piece doesn’t just open the lens. It smashes the stained glass and says, “Look with your own damn eyes.” Thank you for that.
👏🏼😎🥰