Oh, Kelly. Thank you for this glorious piece of writing. I found myself wanting to snatch this sentence, that paragraph to share, to kvell over, to praise, to celebrate. So many things. The magical presence of Richard. I had a Richard whose name was/is Stan. He disappeared a little, and it's a long story. One I may write about, but he was my earliest recovery angel. He was that for a lot of people. He was completely humble and he served with love. Do you think Richard said "and I'm on Step One" as an acknowledgement of the need to return over and over? Of the fact that we our powerless, always, in regard to our particular affliction? For me, it's a willing acknowledgement of my humility and rawness and open heart when it comes to my commitment to recovery. AND omg, girl. Your mention of me, as an angel misfit? I'm over the moon about this. Thank you from the bottom of my perfectly flawed heart. I could write 10 essays that wouldn't begin to cover all the gratitude I'm feeling in this moment. xo.
"Every blade of grass has its angel that bends over it and whispers 'grow, grow!'" from Talmud.
Haaa Thank you Nan! You are truly a misfit angel. And yes, I was only 3 years sober and thought I could graduate from the steps….lol so I didn’t understand why Richard kept saying he was still on step one but had 11 years! My own hubris. Hehe.
Kelly - this moved me beyond. What a powerful read. There truly are angels among us - I think we just need to drop our masks and shields long enough to see them.
I love how you highlight here that recovery is a continuous recalibration. That feels so true to me. While I haven’t picked up a drink in 1,360 days, I have had many fits and starts. Stretches of solidarity and sturdy sober legs followed by resistance, surging resentments and self-doubt. While not drinking is the common denominator, not picking up is a fraction of the work it takes to heal.
Kelly- I have So Much to write to you about this stunning piece. My mind was buzzing & my heart racing. I had tears, and smiles and felt the essence of Light & Truth through every word, all the turns & truths you shared-so intimate & generous & wise. Thank you for this.
It is late, late but I literally have this marked on my calendar to come back & comment more specifically when I don’t feel my brain has gone to sleep already.😂 I had very specific parts of your piece I wanted to comment on & dialogue around.
For now, I will leave you with the knowledge that this post touched me deeply;
reminded me of the time my now adult son (in recovery) sang in his middle school chorus, flashlight in hand to light the darkened room-
a song that foretold what was to come for us w/its lyrics 🎶
“I believe there are angels among us, sent down to us from somewhere up above. They come to you and me, in our darkest hours, to show us how to live, to teach us how to give; to guide us with the light of love.”
Many Angels indeed.
Thank you for your Beautiful story & sharing Richard with us.
This is an exquisite piece of art, every word, every quote, ever angel.
I've been on the inside and outside of EDIT houses in recovery, meeting angles of all kinds.
Lisa who I name Alice in my memoir was the first person about 45 years ago, I loose track and have not collected chips, but have mended many scars.
She said, "nan (my name at the time) Your Behavior is Not Normal. I know someone who can help" So it began.
I only knew how to dumb, black out and try to erase a nightmare of an Irish Catholic too big for the house family of ten at the mercy of dogma, a dmaged war vet, an unresourced mother, too many mouths to feed, but bottles a many — an needles that did not work for me — thank God.
But I knew how to survive.
Alice brought me to my first angle in Manhattan, she wore a snowy white bun...
I love this story and would love to comp the Ebook to you, if you are interested.
I'm not pushing anything, I think you will find kindred angels on the stages traversed.
That's enough for now.
I love you and your raw journey.
I hope others find this.
It is excellent and worthy of a big audience — I'm still fairly dysfunctional when it comes to the world of Internet Publishing — give it a go!
Ok, there's so much meat in your essay. First, your question about God and sex--yes! I honestly think an entire essay could be crafted around this singular question.
But this is what pierced my heart the most, near your concluding paragraph (and, by the way, I love Rilke):
"When we meet an angel, we meet the absence of ego. There’s nowhere for our projections to land except back in our own egos and bodies. The angel wants nothing from us and sees past our persona to who and what we were made to be. The angel’s gaze is steady; she does not flinch or look away. She sees our true identity and keeps looking until one day, we understand there’s nothing wrong with us, and there never was."
The absence of ego. Of course. I was wondering why many readers have commented that my daughter Sarah is "like" an angel or "is" an angel. It's because of the absence of her ego, her unpretentious nature.
Thank you @Sandra Dingler for the restack! 🌻🫶🏻
Oh, Kelly. Thank you for this glorious piece of writing. I found myself wanting to snatch this sentence, that paragraph to share, to kvell over, to praise, to celebrate. So many things. The magical presence of Richard. I had a Richard whose name was/is Stan. He disappeared a little, and it's a long story. One I may write about, but he was my earliest recovery angel. He was that for a lot of people. He was completely humble and he served with love. Do you think Richard said "and I'm on Step One" as an acknowledgement of the need to return over and over? Of the fact that we our powerless, always, in regard to our particular affliction? For me, it's a willing acknowledgement of my humility and rawness and open heart when it comes to my commitment to recovery. AND omg, girl. Your mention of me, as an angel misfit? I'm over the moon about this. Thank you from the bottom of my perfectly flawed heart. I could write 10 essays that wouldn't begin to cover all the gratitude I'm feeling in this moment. xo.
"Every blade of grass has its angel that bends over it and whispers 'grow, grow!'" from Talmud.
Haaa Thank you Nan! You are truly a misfit angel. And yes, I was only 3 years sober and thought I could graduate from the steps….lol so I didn’t understand why Richard kept saying he was still on step one but had 11 years! My own hubris. Hehe.
I so love this! And yes, that old humility vs. hubris. Sending you a big fat hug and lots of love. Thank you for everything. xo
More later! Off to hair appmt.
Kelly - this moved me beyond. What a powerful read. There truly are angels among us - I think we just need to drop our masks and shields long enough to see them.
I love how you highlight here that recovery is a continuous recalibration. That feels so true to me. While I haven’t picked up a drink in 1,360 days, I have had many fits and starts. Stretches of solidarity and sturdy sober legs followed by resistance, surging resentments and self-doubt. While not drinking is the common denominator, not picking up is a fraction of the work it takes to heal.
I needed to read this today. Thanks 🙏🏼
Appreciate the read and your comment so much @Allison! I love connecting to others on this road. 🌻🫶🌻
Kelly- I have So Much to write to you about this stunning piece. My mind was buzzing & my heart racing. I had tears, and smiles and felt the essence of Light & Truth through every word, all the turns & truths you shared-so intimate & generous & wise. Thank you for this.
It is late, late but I literally have this marked on my calendar to come back & comment more specifically when I don’t feel my brain has gone to sleep already.😂 I had very specific parts of your piece I wanted to comment on & dialogue around.
For now, I will leave you with the knowledge that this post touched me deeply;
reminded me of the time my now adult son (in recovery) sang in his middle school chorus, flashlight in hand to light the darkened room-
a song that foretold what was to come for us w/its lyrics 🎶
“I believe there are angels among us, sent down to us from somewhere up above. They come to you and me, in our darkest hours, to show us how to live, to teach us how to give; to guide us with the light of love.”
Many Angels indeed.
Thank you for your Beautiful story & sharing Richard with us.
More to come. Xo
Thank you, Colleen. You are an angel. Your reading means everything to me and I hope you found the story of Richard healing. 🌻🫶🌻
Dear Kelly,
This is an exquisite piece of art, every word, every quote, ever angel.
I've been on the inside and outside of EDIT houses in recovery, meeting angles of all kinds.
Lisa who I name Alice in my memoir was the first person about 45 years ago, I loose track and have not collected chips, but have mended many scars.
She said, "nan (my name at the time) Your Behavior is Not Normal. I know someone who can help" So it began.
I only knew how to dumb, black out and try to erase a nightmare of an Irish Catholic too big for the house family of ten at the mercy of dogma, a dmaged war vet, an unresourced mother, too many mouths to feed, but bottles a many — an needles that did not work for me — thank God.
But I knew how to survive.
Alice brought me to my first angle in Manhattan, she wore a snowy white bun...
I love this story and would love to comp the Ebook to you, if you are interested.
I'm not pushing anything, I think you will find kindred angels on the stages traversed.
That's enough for now.
I love you and your raw journey.
I hope others find this.
It is excellent and worthy of a big audience — I'm still fairly dysfunctional when it comes to the world of Internet Publishing — give it a go!
This is SOOOO good.
I’d love that ebook Prajna! And again, your words mean so much to me. 🫶🌻I’m honored.
I will PM you. It is fresh - new edition with birthday upcoming.
Kelly!
Ok, there's so much meat in your essay. First, your question about God and sex--yes! I honestly think an entire essay could be crafted around this singular question.
But this is what pierced my heart the most, near your concluding paragraph (and, by the way, I love Rilke):
"When we meet an angel, we meet the absence of ego. There’s nowhere for our projections to land except back in our own egos and bodies. The angel wants nothing from us and sees past our persona to who and what we were made to be. The angel’s gaze is steady; she does not flinch or look away. She sees our true identity and keeps looking until one day, we understand there’s nothing wrong with us, and there never was."
The absence of ego. Of course. I was wondering why many readers have commented that my daughter Sarah is "like" an angel or "is" an angel. It's because of the absence of her ego, her unpretentious nature.
Thank you for this revelation.
Thank you so much; your close read and response mean so so much to me and of course; your daughter is an angel among us. 🌻🫶🌻
That is very generous of you to say, Kelly.